How to Choose a Funeral Home: 9 Questions and What the Answers Mean
Almost nobody chooses a funeral home properly. The call comes, someone remembers a name, and within an hour a family has committed several thousand pounds or dollars to a business they have never dealt with, on the worst day of their life, without comparing anything.
That is not a failure of judgement. It is what the situation is designed to produce. The decision feels urgent, the price is opaque, and asking about money in that moment feels like a betrayal of the person who just died.
Here is the part worth knowing before anything else: the urgency is mostly false. Unless a religious tradition requires burial within a day, there is almost always time to make one more phone call. If the hospital, hospice or care home is holding the body, they can usually continue to for a short while. If a funeral home has already collected the body, you can still change providers β you may pay a transfer fee, and it is often far less than the difference between two quotes.
You have longer than you feel like you have. Use an hour of it on the nine questions below.
Before You Call Anyone: Three Decisions
Answer these first, or every quote you get will be for a different thing and none of them will be comparable.
Burial or cremation. This changes the cost more than any other single choice, and it changes which providers are even relevant. If it is undecided, cremation vs burial lays out both.
A service, or not. A full service with viewing, a simple committal, a direct cremation with a gathering later, or nothing at all. "Direct cremation and a celebration of life in the spring" is a completely legitimate answer and the cheapest common option.
Who is deciding. One person, with the authority to say yes. Families that negotiate as a committee in the funeral director's office spend more, every time, because nobody wants to be the one who says the coffin is too expensive.
The Nine Questions
Ask all nine on the phone, before you visit. A visit is a commitment device β sitting in the room makes leaving without buying much harder β so do the comparing while you are still at home.
1. "Can you send me your full price list?"
This is the first question because the answer tells you almost everything.
In the United States, the FTC's Funeral Rule requires a funeral home to give you an itemised General Price List when you ask in person, and to answer price questions over the phone. In the UK, funeral directors are required to display a standardised price list, including on their website. Either way, prices exist in a written form and you are entitled to see them.
A good answer: the list arrives by email within the hour, itemised, with a total. A bad answer: "It really depends", "we'd need to sit down with you", or a single package price with no breakdown. A home that will not put numbers in writing before you commit will not become more transparent after you do.
2. "What is the cheapest option you offer?"
Not because you should take it. Because how they answer it is the clearest read on how they will treat you.
A good funeral director names it plainly β direct cremation, simple coffin, no service β and does not editorialise. A poor one implies that the cheap option is what people choose when they did not really love the person. That sentence, or anything close to it, is the moment to hang up.
3. "What is in the package, and what is not?"
Packages are where the money hides. The quoted figure often excludes things that are not optional in practice: the doctor's or coroner's fees, the crematorium or cemetery fee, the clergy or celebrant, the death certificate copies, the newspaper notice, the flowers.
Ask for the split between their fees and third-party costs paid on your behalf (disbursements). Two homes quoting very different totals are often charging almost the same for their own work. Funeral costs: what to expect breaks down where the money actually goes.
4. "Who will be looking after them, and where?"
Some funeral homes care for the body on their own premises. Others use a central facility shared between branches, sometimes an hour away. Neither is wrong, but families are frequently upset to discover after the fact that "our funeral home" was a shopfront and the person spent the week somewhere else.
Ask where. Ask whether you can visit. Note whether the answer is straightforward.
5. "Are you independent or part of a group?"
Large groups are not automatically worse β some are excellent, with better facilities than an independent could afford. But ownership is often invisible: chains commonly keep the original family name on the sign for decades after buying the business.
It matters because pricing structures and upselling scripts tend to be set centrally. If you were choosing this home because your family has used "the Hendersons" for forty years, it is worth knowing whether any Henderson still works there.
6. "Can I use a coffin I buy elsewhere?"
In the US, the Funeral Rule says yes, and the home may not charge you a handling fee for it. Elsewhere the rules vary, but most reputable homes will accept one.
You may well not want to buy a coffin online. The point of asking is that the answer β and the tone of the answer β tells you whether this business sees itself as providing a service or selling a product.
7. "What do you need from me today, and what can wait?"
A good funeral director can separate the two immediately: today they need permission to bring the person into their care and some basic details; the coffin, the cars, the wording of the notice and the order of service can all wait several days.
If everything is presented as urgent and needing to be signed now, that is a sales technique, not a logistical fact.
8. "How many funerals do you do like this one?"
Specific matters. A home that handles Muslim burials weekly, or infant funerals, or veterans' honours, or a bilingual service, will do it smoothly. One doing it for the second time will do it kindly and imperfectly, and you will be managing them on the day.
For anything with particular requirements β religious, cultural, military, or a very young person β this question does more than any review site.
9. "What happens if we want to change something after we have signed?"
The answer establishes whether you are entering a contract or a relationship. Deposits, cancellation terms, and whether they will re-quote if the family changes its mind about the service. Ask it while you still have leverage, which is now.
Reading the Answers
Three signals matter more than the totals.
Did they answer the price question directly the first time? Everything else correlates with this. Homes that are comfortable with prices tend to be comfortable with the rest.
Did they ask about the person? The good ones, at some point in the first conversation, ask what they were like. Not as a technique β you can tell the difference β but because it changes what they will suggest.
Did they leave silence alone? A funeral director who fills every pause with an option is selling. One who lets you think is doing the job.
Comparing Two Quotes Without Losing Your Mind
Put them side by side on a single sheet of paper with three columns: the home's own fees, third-party costs, and what is excluded. Most of the apparent difference between two quotes lives in that third column.
Then ignore the totals for a moment and ask one question: which of these two people do I want on the phone at 7am on the morning of the funeral, when something has gone wrong? That is a real part of what you are buying, and it is not on either price list.
If the difference is large and the feeling is equal, take the cheaper one. If the feeling is different and the difference is small, take the one you trust. The families who regret this decision are almost never the ones who spent less.
What You Do Not Need the Funeral Home For
Some of what gets bundled in is worth doing yourself, better and for nothing.
The notice, the order of service and the tribute page do not have to come from them. A funeral home will often offer an online memorial or guest book as part of a package β usually a basic page hosted on their own website, sometimes only for a limited period, and it disappears if the family later moves on. You can create your own that stays under your control instead, for free, and put the link in the notice. See how to make a tribute page.
The obituary is also yours to write. How to write an obituary covers the structure, and the funeral home can simply place it.
Frequently Asked Questions
How much time do I really have to choose? Usually a few days, sometimes longer, depending on where the person is and any religious requirements. Enough for two or three phone calls. Ask the hospital, hospice or care home directly how long they can hold β the answer is often more generous than you expect.
Can I change funeral homes after signing? Generally yes, though you may lose a deposit or pay a transfer fee. Do it early rather than late, and get the new home to handle the transfer β they do this routinely.
Is a more expensive funeral home better? Not reliably. Price tracks premises, location and marketing at least as much as care. The questions above separate the two better than the totals do.
Do I have to use a funeral home at all? In many places, no β home funerals and direct arrangements with a crematorium are legal, with paperwork requirements that vary by jurisdiction. It is a significant undertaking and worth researching properly for your area before deciding.
What is a direct cremation? Cremation with no service or attendance beforehand, with the ashes returned to the family afterwards. It is the cheapest common option, and it does not prevent a memorial gathering later β many families prefer that order.
Should I mention that I am comparing quotes? Yes. It is normal, it is expected, and it tends to produce a more straightforward first quote.
GetMemorial helps families build beautiful, lasting online memorials in minutes β a permanent home for tributes, photos, and stories that stays yours. Create an online memorial for them whenever you are ready.
