Planning a Hindu Funeral in the US: Cremation, Rites and the 13 Days
The short answer: most Hindu families cremate, and tradition asks for it to happen quickly, ideally within about a day. In the US that usually means calling two people right away: a priest (pandit) through your family or local temple, and a funeral home that has worked with Hindu families before and works with a crematory that allows the family to be present. Relatives traditionally wash and dress the body; a short service with prayers is held at home or at the funeral home; and the chief mourner, traditionally the eldest son, begins the cremation, which at a US crematory often means pressing the button that starts it. The ashes are later immersed in a river or the sea, in India or near home, and the family observes a period of mourning that commonly lasts about thirteen days. Customs differ a great deal by region, community and family, so treat this as the common shape and let your priest and your elders decide the details.
This page is for the family arranging the funeral. If you are attending one as a guest, what to wear to a funeral explains why many Hindu families ask mourners to wear white rather than black.
The First Calls
A priest. If your family has one, call them. If not, call the nearest Hindu temple; most can recommend a pandit who performs funeral rites (antyesti) and will know the customs of your community, or tell you who does. The priest will guide the order of the rites and the days after.
A funeral home. Ask directly:
- Have you arranged Hindu funerals before?
- Can our family wash and dress the body ourselves, at your facility?
- Which crematory do you use, and does it allow a witnessed cremation, with the family present and a family member starting it?
- How quickly can the cremation take place?
- Can we hold prayers, with a lamp or incense, in your viewing room or at the crematory?
Speed matters to most Hindu families, but in the US the paperwork has to come first: the death certificate must be signed and a cremation permit issued, and some states set a minimum waiting period before a cremation. The funeral home will tell you the earliest realistic time. A short delay for these reasons is normal and not a failure of the family. If the death is being investigated, an autopsy may also be required; what families should know about an autopsy explains how that works and why to raise any religious objection on the first call.
Embalming is generally not needed for a prompt cremation. If the funeral home suggests it, ask whether it is required by law or simply offered.
Preparing the Body
In many families, close relatives wash the body, dress it in fresh or new clothes (often white; what is customary depends on the community) and adorn it with flowers. A few drops of Ganges water or a tulsi leaf may be placed in the mouth. Men usually prepare men and women prepare women.
The funeral home can usually give the family a private room and the supplies to do this. Bring the clothes, garlands and anything your priest asks for.
The Service
A short service is usually held before the cremation, either at home, at the funeral home or in the crematory's chapel. The priest recites mantras, family members may offer rice balls, flowers or water, and people often sing bhajans or chant. Some families keep the body at home for a few hours first so relatives can say goodbye.
Practical points:
- Open flames. Lamps (diyas) and incense are part of many rites. Ask the funeral home and crematory what they allow indoors.
- Who speaks. Many Hindu funerals have no eulogy in the Western sense, but families in the US increasingly add a few words from relatives. Do what feels right.
- Livestreaming. Relatives in India or elsewhere may want to watch. Ask the venue whether that is allowed.
The Cremation
In India, the chief mourner traditionally walks around the pyre and lights it. At a US crematory, the closest equivalent is a witnessed cremation: the family gathers in a viewing room or at the door of the cremation chamber, the priest says the final prayers, and the chief mourner presses the button that starts the cremation. What happens at a cremation describes what you will see.
Who is chief mourner? Tradition says the eldest son for a father and, in many communities, the youngest son for a mother. Families today often adapt this: a daughter, a spouse, a grandson or another close relative. Your priest can tell you what your community accepts.
Small children and holy people (sannyasis) are traditionally buried rather than cremated. If that applies to your family, tell the funeral home and the priest early.
The Ashes
Traditionally the ashes are collected a few days after the cremation and immersed in the Ganges or another sacred river (asthi visarjan). US families usually choose one of three paths:
- Carry the ashes to India for immersion at a holy place such as Haridwar or Varanasi. Ask the crematory for the cremation certificate and a container suitable for travel, and check the current rules of both your airline and the TSA before you fly.
- Immerse them in the sea near home. In US waters, the EPA requires this to happen at least three nautical miles from land and a report to be filed within 30 days. What to do with ashes covers the details.
- Immerse them in a river or lake near home. Some communities do this with a local priest. Rules vary by state and locality, so check before you go.
Some families keep a small portion to immerse later or to place in a family grave. Ask your priest whether your tradition allows dividing the ashes.
The Thirteen Days
After the cremation, the family observes a period of mourning that commonly lasts about thirteen days, though some communities count ten, eleven or sixteen. Common practices, which differ between families:
- The close family stays at home, does not attend festivals or religious celebrations, and keeps a simple diet, avoiding certain foods.
- Visitors come to the house to pay respects. Friends often bring food so the family does not have to cook.
- A lamp may be kept burning, and prayers or readings from scripture are held each day.
- Rites (shraddha) are performed on particular days, with a larger ceremony at the end of the period, often followed by a meal for family, friends and priests. That ceremony marks the end of the most intense mourning.
If you work, ask your employer early for time off. Thirteen days is longer than most bereavement policies, and many managers simply do not know about it until you tell them.
After the Thirteen Days
Many families observe a monthly remembrance during the first year, and the first anniversary of the death is marked with an important shraddha ceremony in which offerings of rice balls (pinda) are made for the person who died. Many continue an annual shraddha every year after, and some also remember ancestors during Pitru Paksha. First death anniversary ideas has gentler ways to mark the day alongside the rites.
Common Questions
Can the family be present at the cremation in the US? At many crematories, yes. Ask for a witnessed cremation when you choose the funeral home, and ask if there is a fee.
What if the funeral cannot happen within a day? It often cannot, because of paperwork, an investigation or relatives travelling. Priests are used to this. Do what is possible and do not let a delay become guilt.
Do we need a casket? For cremation, usually a simple cremation container is enough. Ask the funeral home what the crematory requires.
What do guests wear? Usually white or light, plain clothes. Ask the family if you are not sure.
The rites carry someone through their last journey. The stories carry them forward. GetMemorial gives your family a permanent place for photos, stories and tributes that relatives anywhere in the world can visit. Start an online memorial whenever you are ready.
