When Do You Stop Posting on Their Memorial Page?
The short answer: you do not have to stop. There is no point at which posting on a memorial page becomes wrong. What usually happens is that it changes on its own: daily at first, then weekly, then on the dates that matter, then whenever something reminds you. The question worth asking is not "how long is too long?" but "is this still helping me?" If it is, keep going. If it has turned into a duty, an audience, or a way of not grieving, change the rhythm. You can change it without leaving.
People ask this quietly, often with some guilt in either direction. Some worry they are still posting a year later and others have moved on. Some worry they have stopped and that means they have forgotten. Neither is true.
How Posting Usually Changes
There is no schedule, but there is a common shape. If yours looks different, that is fine too.
| Period | What posting often looks like |
|---|---|
| First weeks | Many people post, often daily. Photos, stories, messages addressed to the person. The page is busy. |
| First months | Other people's posts slow down sharply. Close family keep going, often more privately. |
| First year | Posts cluster around dates: birthdays, holidays, the first anniversary. |
| Years two to five | A few posts a year. A song on the radio, a grandchild's milestone, a recipe made right. |
| After that | Occasional. Often from a new person: a grandchild who never met them, an old friend who just found the page. |
The drop in other people's posts after the first months is the part that hurts most, and it is the part most often misread. It does not mean they have forgotten. Most people simply do not know what to say after the first round of messages, and assume that saying nothing is kinder.
Signs It Is Still Helping
Keep posting, at whatever pace, if:
- Writing to them, or about them, settles you afterwards
- You are recording things you want to keep: stories, details, the way they said things
- Other family members read it and sometimes add to it
- It marks the dates in a way that feels like your own ritual
Talking to someone who has died is one of the most common things grieving people do, in letters, at graves, in their heads. A memorial page is just a place where that talk is kept. Grief researchers call this continuing bonds, and it is now widely understood as healthy rather than a failure to let go. Our page on why grief has no timeline goes into this further.
Signs It Has Stopped Helping
Change the rhythm, not necessarily stop, if:
- It feels like an obligation. You post because you posted last week and missing a week feels like a betrayal.
- You are posting for the reactions. You check how many people have seen it, and feel worse when it is few.
- It replaces other grieving. You post instead of talking to anyone, and the page is the only place you mention them.
- It keeps reopening the same moment. Every post goes back to the last days or the way they died, and you feel worse each time.
- Someone you live with finds it hard. A partner, a child, a parent who grieves differently and sees every post.
None of these mean you should close the page. They mean the page might need to become a place you visit on purpose, rather than one you feed.
If the last two signs are strong, or months have passed and the pain is not shifting at all, talking to a grief counselor is worth considering. Our guide on how long grief lasts describes when it may be more than ordinary grief.
Ways to Change the Rhythm Without Leaving
- Keep the dates, drop the rest. Post on their birthday, the anniversary and one holiday a year. It gives the page a shape and gives you permission not to post in between.
- Write a longer piece once. Instead of many short posts, write one full story you want kept. A life story or a chapter of it lasts longer than a feed of short messages.
- Hand the page to the family for a while. Invite a sibling or a grandchild to add something on a date. Our page on involving the family in remembering has prompts.
- Write privately first. Keep a journal for the daily things and move the ones that matter onto the page later.
If You Run the Page and Others Have Stopped
If you created the memorial, you may be the only one still posting. That is the normal shape, not a sign that the page has failed.
A page that goes quiet is not a dead page. A memorial is closer to a headstone than a conversation: most of its value is that it is there when someone comes looking. That might be a cousin on the anniversary, a coworker who just heard, or a grandchild twenty years from now.
If you want to bring people back on a particular date, ask directly, one message before the day: "It's Mum's birthday on Saturday. If you have a photo or a memory of her, I'd love it if you added it to her page." Specific requests get answered. "Feel free to share anytime" does not.
When Someone Else Will Not Stop
Sometimes the problem is the opposite: one person posts far more than the rest of the family is comfortable with, or posts things the family would rather not see every week. That is a moderation question, not a grief one, and it deserves a direct, kind conversation. Our guide on when someone posts something hurtful on a memorial page covers how to raise it.
What to Do With a Page You No Longer Want Public
If you have decided you are finished with the page being visible, you have options short of deleting it:
- Make it private so only you can see it, and keep it as a personal archive. Our page on private or public memorials walks through the trade-offs.
- Write a closing note and leave the page up, so visitors know it is no longer actively kept but is still there to read.
- Pass it on to someone else in the family. See who inherits an online memorial for how that works in practice.
Deleting is the one choice that cannot be undone. If you are unsure, make it private first and decide later.
On GetMemorial
A few things about how GetMemorial works that matter here:
- Posting does not notify anyone. When you add a photo, a story or a message, no one gets a push notification. It does not land in anyone's feed. People see it when they visit the page. That makes a late post, years on, feel less like an announcement and more like leaving flowers.
- You can light a candle instead of writing. A candle on a memorial burns beside their portrait for one year, and other visitors can see it in the page's Tributes. On days when you have nothing to say, it is a way of saying you were there.
- A quiet page does not disappear. If a paid plan ends, the memorial returns to the free version rather than being deleted, and a lifetime memorial does not expire.
- You can switch it to private at any time from the memorial's edit page, by choosing "Only visible to me," and switch it back later.
FAQ
Is it weird to post on a memorial page years later? No. Some of the most valued posts on any memorial come years later, from someone who has just found it or has a story nobody else knew.
Is it okay to write to them directly, as if they could read it? Yes. Many people do. It is one of the most natural ways to write on a memorial page.
I stopped posting and feel guilty. Have I forgotten them? No. Posting less usually means the grief has found other places to live, not that it has gone.
Should I tell people I'm stepping back from the page? Only if you run it and others rely on you to post updates. A short note is enough.
GetMemorial helps families build lasting online memorials, a page that stays there on the quiet years as well as the busy ones. Create a free online memorial for someone you love.
