Private or Public? Choosing Who Can See an Online Memorial
The short answer: make the memorial public if you want people you have not thought of yet to find it: old classmates, former colleagues, the neighbor from thirty years ago. Make it private if the death is raw, the circumstances are sensitive, or the family has not agreed what to share. Either way, leave off the details scammers use (full date of birth, home address, the exact time the house will be empty for the funeral). And remember you can usually change the setting later; starting private and opening up is easier than the reverse.
What "Public" and "Private" Actually Mean
Different memorial sites use these words differently, so check the platform you are using. In general:
Public means anyone can view the page without being invited. Usually that includes:
- Anyone with the link
- Search engines, so the page can appear when someone searches the person's name
- Sometimes a directory or browse page on the memorial site itself
Private means the page is hidden from the open web. Depending on the platform, that can mean only the creator can see it, or only people the creator has approved, or anyone with a password.
Invite-only or password-protected pages sit in between. They let a group of family and friends in without opening the page to search engines. Not every platform offers this, so check before you build around it.
The question underneath all of this is simple: do you want people to be able to find this page, or only people you hand it to?
When Public Is the Right Choice
A public memorial does something a private one cannot: it lets people find their way back to the person on their own.
That matters more than families expect. Within weeks of a public memorial going up, it is common to hear from people nobody had a way to contact: a childhood friend who saw the name in a search, a former student, a colleague from a job twenty years earlier. Many of them bring stories and photos the family has never seen.
Public tends to suit:
- People with a wide circle: teachers, coaches, community figures, anyone who worked with the public
- Deaths that were expected or peaceful, where the family is comfortable with the story being told openly
- Families who want the page to replace or extend an obituary, which is public by nature
- Pages meant to last for decades, where the point is that future relatives can find them
If you are weighing a memorial page against a Facebook memorial, our comparison of online memorials and Facebook memorialization covers how each handles visibility.
When Private Is the Right Choice
Private is the right starting point more often than people think.
- The circumstances are sensitive. Suicide, overdose, violence, or a death still under investigation. Families often want time before any of it is searchable.
- The family has not agreed. If a spouse wants a public page and a sibling does not, private buys time to talk it through. Our piece on when siblings disagree has a framework for that conversation.
- There is an estranged relative or an abusive ex who should not easily find details of the family's life, the funeral or where the children are.
- It is a child, a baby, or a pregnancy loss. Many parents want a place for photos and words that is theirs alone, at least at first.
- You are not ready. Some people build a memorial as a private journal for months before deciding to share it.
Private does not have to mean secret forever. It can mean "not yet".
What to Leave Off Either Way
Obituaries and memorial pages are a known source for identity thieves and opportunistic scammers. A few details do almost nothing for a tribute and a lot for them.
| Leave off | Why |
|---|---|
| Full date of birth | Day, month and year together are a key piece of identity theft. The year, or the month and year, is plenty for a tribute. |
| Home address | Signals an empty house during the service and, later, a household that may be grieving and distracted. |
| Exact funeral time on a public page | Burglaries during funerals are rare but well documented. Share times through invitations or a private message. |
| Mother's maiden name | It is still used as a security question. |
| Bank, employer or pension details | Nobody needs these to remember them. |
| Children's schools or full names (if minors) | Especially if there is any family conflict. |
Also watch for a scam that has grown on social media: fake "funeral livestream" posts that use the person's name and photo to collect card details. If a public memorial helps people find the real page and the real service details, it can actually protect against this. Tell people plainly where the official page is.
Who Else Gets a Say
The person who creates a memorial usually controls its settings. But a page about someone who died is never entirely one person's.
Before choosing, it helps to ask:
- Would the person themselves have wanted this public? Someone intensely private might not have wanted their life story online at all.
- Does everyone in the immediate family know the page exists? Nobody should discover a public memorial about their own parent by searching.
- Who might be hurt by what is visible? Children, an ex, colleagues who do not know the cause of death.
- Who will look after it later? A public page with no active owner can attract spam or hurtful comments. Our guides to moderating a memorial page and to who inherits an online memorial cover both problems.
Starting Private, Then Opening Up
A common pattern that works well:
- Start private in the first days. Add photos, a draft of the life story, a few memories.
- Show it to the immediate family. Let them correct facts, add pictures, and object to anything they do not want shared.
- Agree on what stays off. Cause of death, difficult chapters, anything involving people still living.
- Switch to public once everyone is comfortable, then share the link in the obituary, at the funeral, or in a group message.
Going the other way is harder. Once a page has been public, search engines and people's browser histories may have copies for a while, even after you make it private.
On GetMemorial
GetMemorial has two visibility settings, chosen when you create the memorial and changeable at any time in its settings:
- Visible to everyone. Anyone with the link can view the memorial on the web, and visitors who sign in can leave a message. Public memorials can appear in search results and on the site's memorial listings.
- Only visible to me. The memorial is hidden from everyone except you. It is not listed anywhere, and if someone opens its link on the web they see a "not found" page instead of the memorial.
There is no invite-only or password option yet. If you want family to see a private draft, the simplest route today is to show it to them on your phone, or switch it to public once they have agreed on what it says.
Quick Answers
Can I make it public later? On most platforms, yes. On GetMemorial, change the visibility in the memorial's settings at any time.
Will a public memorial show up on Google? It can, over time, especially if people link to it. That is often the point.
Should the cause of death go on a public page? Only if the immediate family agrees. "Died suddenly" or "after a long illness" is enough for most readers.
Can people comment on a private memorial? Only the people who can see it. On GetMemorial, a memorial set to "Only visible to me" is visible to you alone.
GetMemorial helps families build lasting online memorials, private while you decide, public when you are ready. Create a free online memorial website in a few minutes.
