Veterans Day When the Veteran in Your Family Has Died
The short answer: Veterans Day belongs to your veteran too. It honors everyone who served, living or dead, so a father who came home from Korea and died last spring is as much a part of November 11 as any veteran standing in a parade. Families mostly do four things: visit the grave, go to a local or national cemetery ceremony, leave a tribute on the VA's Veterans Legacy Memorial page, and tell the story to whoever is young enough not to have heard it. Veterans Day 2026 is Wednesday, November 11.
This is a guide for the first Veterans Day after a death, and for the ones after that when the day arrives and nobody has said what to do with it.
Which day is theirs
Three American days get confused, and the confusion matters more when you are grieving, because it feels like being told you have the wrong day.
- Memorial Day (last Monday in May) is for those who died in military service.
- Veterans Day (November 11) is for everyone who served, living or dead.
- Armed Forces Day (third Saturday in May) is for those serving now.
So if the person you miss served and then lived a long civilian life, Veterans Day is the day set aside for them. Nobody will mind if you also remember them in May, and our Memorial Day quotes guide is written to work for both. If your family is in the UK, Canada, Australia or New Zealand, the same date is Remembrance Day, and Remembrance Day quotes for a family member who served is the companion to this page.
Why the day can feel wrong the first year
Veterans Day is built around the living. The free restaurant meals, the "thank you for your service" at the store, the school assembly where veterans stand up to applause: all of it assumes the veteran is in the room. The first year after a death, a widow can go a whole November 11 without anyone mentioning her husband, because the people thanking veterans do not know she is one of the families who had one.
It helps to decide in advance what you want from the day, rather than waiting to see what it gives you. The list below is what families actually do. Pick one or two.
Visit the grave
National cemeteries are open on Veterans Day and most of the larger ones hold a ceremony, usually in the morning. The VA posts them on its events calendar in the weeks before; smaller cemeteries sometimes have a wreath-laying by a local veterans' post rather than a formal program. Arlington holds the national ceremony at 11 a.m. Eastern with a wreath-laying at the Tomb of the Unknowns, and it is broadcast, which is worth knowing if the grave is far away.
A note on flags. The rows of small flags you see in photographs are placed for Memorial Day, not Veterans Day. On November 11 the cemetery will look as it does on any other day unless you bring something. National cemeteries each publish a floral policy; most allow a small hand-held flag and cut flowers at the grave around Veterans Day and clear them afterwards. Check the policy for the specific cemetery before you buy anything, because artificial flowers and anything that has to be staked are often refused.
Private cemeteries set their own rules, and a veteran buried in one may still have a government headstone, marker or bronze medallion; if theirs does not, that can be applied for after the fact. The paperwork, and everything else the VA provides, is in our veteran burial benefits guide.
If you cannot get to the grave, the Veterans Legacy Memorial tribute described below is the next best thing, and it is open all day.
Go to a ceremony, even a small one
The point of attending a ceremony is not the speeches. It is standing in a place where everyone present has agreed, for an hour, that service matters, and where saying "my dad served in Vietnam" is the normal thing to say rather than an interruption.
If your town has a parade or a ceremony at the courthouse, go, and if there is a moment for names to be read, ask the organisers beforehand whether your veteran's can be included. Veterans' posts (the American Legion, VFW, DAV and the rest) usually keep a list of members who died in the past year and read it that day. If your veteran was a member, call the post the week before and ask.
Schools often invite family to Veterans Day assemblies. A grandchild who brings a photograph of their grandfather in uniform is doing exactly what the day is for.
Leave a tribute on the Veterans Legacy Memorial
The Department of Veterans Affairs runs an online memorial page for nearly ten million veterans and service members: those buried in VA national cemeteries, in Defense Department cemeteries, in state and tribal veterans' cemeteries funded by VA grants, in National Park Service cemeteries, and, since 2023, in private cemeteries where the VA provided a headstone or marker. If your veteran has a government marker, there is very likely a page for them already, built from the burial record: name, branch, rank, dates and decorations.
Anyone can search for a veteran by name and leave a tribute; you do not need an account for that. Family and friends can also add photographs, a biography and documents. Everything submitted is reviewed by VA staff before it appears, so a tribute posted on the morning of the 11th may not show until later. Write it a few days ahead.
Veterans Day is when the site gets its heaviest traffic, and reading what strangers wrote on your father's page is one of the quieter gifts of the day. If you want to go further than the VA page allows, see the section on a family memorial page below.
Request what was never requested
Two things the VA provides can be requested years after the funeral, and the first Veterans Day is when families notice they are missing.
- A Presidential Memorial Certificate, signed by the current president, honoring the veteran's service. It is free, more than one copy can be requested, and the application (VA Form 40-0247) needs a copy of the discharge papers.
- A headstone, marker or medallion for a veteran in a private cemetery whose grave has none, as mentioned above.
Both need the DD-214, the discharge document. If nobody knows where it is, military funeral honors explains how to request a copy from the National Archives, and it is worth doing this month even if you do not need it yet, because every later request will ask for it.
Tell the story
A veteran's service is usually the least-told chapter of their life. They did not talk about it; the family did not ask; and then the person who could have answered is gone. Veterans Day is the one day of the year when asking is expected.
Some ways families do this:
- Sit the oldest relative down with a recorder and ask what they remember of the veteran's service: where they went, what they said about it, what they never said. Twenty minutes is enough.
- Lay out the papers and the photographs and let the children handle them. Label the backs of the photographs while someone still knows who is in them.
- Write down the three stories the veteran told most often, in their words, as close as you can get them.
- Send the originals somewhere permanent. The Library of Congress Veterans History Project accepts original letters, diaries, photographs and memoirs from veterans who have died, submitted by their families; check its current submission rules, because it does not take copies.
Whatever you gather, put it somewhere the whole family can reach. A folder on one person's laptop is where these things go to be lost.
For families of the fallen
If your veteran died on active duty, or of a service-connected cause, you carry both days, and the second one can be harder because fewer people recognise it. The Tragedy Assistance Program for Survivors (TAPS) is run by and for military survivors, with a helpline at 800-959-8277 that is open day and night, and it runs events around Veterans Day specifically. Our page of grief support resources lists it alongside the general hotlines.
When the day is simply too much
You are allowed to skip it. The first year, some families do nothing on November 11 and go to the grave on a quiet Saturday instead, when the cemetery is empty and nobody is making a speech. The day will come around again, and the veteran will still have served. The first holiday without them is written for the days on the calendar that arrive before you are ready.
A family memorial page
The VA's page records a service. A family page records a person: the photograph from the war and the one from the fiftieth anniversary, the three stories, the recording of a brother remembering, the messages that cousins leave on November 11 each year. On GetMemorial a page holds photo and video albums, a life story in sections, and a guest book where visitors leave messages and light a candle, with co-managers so more than one branch of the family can add to it. If you want to see what finished pages look like before starting one, memorial website examples walks through eight.
Link the family page from the Veterans Legacy Memorial tribute, and the two do different jobs well.
Quick answers
Is Veterans Day for veterans who have died? Yes. It honors everyone who served, living or dead. Memorial Day is specifically for those who died in service.
Do national cemeteries do anything on Veterans Day? Most hold a ceremony, usually in the morning. Check the VA events calendar for the cemetery. Flags on every grave are a Memorial Day practice, not a Veterans Day one.
Can I put a flag on the grave? Usually a small hand-held one, yes. Each national cemetery publishes a floral policy; read it first.
How do I find my veteran on the Veterans Legacy Memorial? Search by name on the VA's VLM site. If they have a government headstone or marker, there is very likely a page. Tributes do not need an account and are reviewed before they appear.
We never got a Presidential Memorial Certificate. Is it too late? No. It can be requested at any time with VA Form 40-0247 and a copy of the discharge papers.
GetMemorial helps families build beautiful, lasting online memorials in minutes — a permanent home for photos, stories and the messages people leave year after year. Build yours at GetMemorial.com.
