How to Plan a Funeral: A Day-by-Day Checklist
Almost nobody plans a funeral twice. You are doing an unfamiliar, expensive, time-pressured job for the first time, in the worst week of your life, while people keep phoning to ask what's happening.
The single most useful thing to know is this: far less has to be decided today than it feels like. Two or three things genuinely can't wait. Most of the rest can wait a day, and waiting a day will usually make it better and cheaper.
Here's the order things actually need to happen in.
Day 1: The Only Things That Can't Wait
Get the death legally certified. Nothing else can proceed without it. In a hospital or hospice, staff handle this. At home, call the doctor's surgery, the hospice line, or emergency services if the death was unexpected. Everything downstream β burial, cremation, banks, insurance β waits on this paperwork.
Decide who is taking care of the body, for now. You are choosing temporary custody, not committing to a funeral home for everything. Say exactly that on the phone: "I need transfer into your care today. I haven't chosen arrangements yet." This is normal and any reputable firm will accept it.
Tell the handful of people who must hear it from you. Immediate family, the closest friends, the employer. Nobody else. Ask two of them to tell everyone else β that phone tree is the first job you should delegate, and people are desperate to be useful.
Check whether there's a plan already. Look for a prepaid funeral policy, a written wish list, or instructions in a will. Ask the oldest relative what they know. Finding a prepaid plan two weeks later, after you've paid for something else, is a genuinely common and expensive discovery.
That's Day 1. If nothing else gets done, nothing has gone wrong. Our fuller list of the administrative side is in what to do when someone dies.
Day 2: The Two Decisions Everything Else Hangs On
Burial or cremation
Every other decision follows this one, and it can't be undone. If the person left no instruction, look at family practice, faith, and β honestly β cost, which differs substantially between the two. We've laid out the comparison in cremation vs burial.
If the family is split, the legal next of kin decides. Say so plainly and early; a debate that runs for three days is worse for everyone than a decision someone dislikes.
Which funeral director
Do not simply use the firm that collected the body, unless you've checked them. Call three. This takes forty minutes and it is the highest-value forty minutes of the whole week.
In the US, the FTC's Funeral Rule requires funeral homes to give you a General Price List β an itemised list of what each service costs β and to answer price questions over the phone. You do not have to visit in person, you do not have to explain why you're asking, and you may buy only the items you want rather than a package. If a firm is evasive about prices on the phone, that tells you what you need to know about them.
Ask all three the same questions: - What is the total for a [burial/cremation] with a service at [venue]? - What's in that, and what isn't? - What's your fee if we supply our own casket or urn? - Can we hold the service somewhere other than your chapel?
Our guide to choosing a funeral home covers what the answers tell you, and funeral costs, itemised covers what the numbers should look like.
Day 3: Fixing the Date, Venue and Officiant
These three lock together, so settle them in one sitting.
Date. Give yourself more room than feels natural. A service seven to ten days out lets distant family book flights that don't cost a fortune, gives you time to write a eulogy that isn't written at 2am, and lets you sleep once. Faith traditions with a required timeframe are the exception β follow those.
Venue. Funeral home chapel, place of worship, crematorium chapel, or somewhere that meant something to them. Ask about capacity, parking, accessibility, and whether you can stream it. Ask about the room after, too β where people stand around with tea afterwards is often where the actual comfort happens.
Officiant. A minister, a celebrant, or a family member. A civil celebrant is worth considering if the person wasn't religious; a good one will spend an hour interviewing the family and build the service around what they hear.
And book the streaming now, not later. Someone always can't come. Confirm with the venue how it works and who runs it β the technical checklist in our virtual memorial service guide applies to hybrid services too.
Day 4: Telling People Properly
Now β and only now, once date and venue are fixed β you announce.
Write the notice. Name, dates, service time and place, and where donations should go if you're asking for them instead of flowers. Keep it short; the life story belongs elsewhere. How to write an obituary has the structure, and obituary examples has models to work from.
Pick where it goes. Newspaper notices are charged by the line and can be surprisingly expensive; a page online is free, unlimited and shareable, and is what most people will actually read. Many families do a short paid notice for the local paper and a full page online. Where to publish an obituary online covers the options.
Set up the online memorial page now rather than after. This is the one thing that's easier before the service than after it. Put up the notice, the details, and a few photos, then share one link. People who can't attend leave a message. People who can attend arrive already knowing where to park. And when the service is over, the page is where photographs and memories keep accumulating instead of scattering across a dozen phones.
If you want donations, name the fund explicitly. "In lieu of flowers, donations to [charity]" with a working link. Vague requests raise almost nothing β see setting up a memorial donation fund.
Day 5β6: The Content of the Service
This is the part people remember, and the part that gets squeezed if the earlier days ran long.
The order of service. Typically: entrance music, welcome, a reading or two, the eulogy, reflection or a hymn, committal, closing music. Your officiant will have a template. Change it freely β the template is a starting point, not a rule.
The eulogy. Ask early, because the person you ask needs three days, not three hours. Five to seven minutes is right. How to write a eulogy covers structure and what to do about nerves.
Readings and music. Two readings is plenty. For music, pick what they liked over what's traditionally sombre β a song they played in the car does more than an organ piece nobody knows. Funeral poems has readings organised by tone.
Photos. A slideshow during reflection, or a board of prints at the entrance. Give yourself an evening for this and ask family to send images to one place β our memorial slideshow guide covers length and pacing.
Practical assignments. Pallbearers (ask directly, in person). Who greets people at the door. Who has the flowers. Who reads. Write the names down; you will not remember tomorrow.
The gathering afterwards. Venue, rough numbers, food. Let someone else own this entirely.
The Day Itself
Arrive early. Eat something, even if you don't want to. Hand your phone to somebody else. Ask one organised friend to be the person everyone asks questions of, so the questions don't come to you.
You will not remember much of it. That's normal, and it's a good reason to have someone take a few quiet photographs and to keep the online page open for people to write on afterwards. Weeks later, reading what fifty people wrote is often the first thing that helps.
After: The Week Nobody Warns You About
The week after the funeral is harder than the week before it. The tasks stop, the visitors stop, and the phone stops.
Two things are worth doing while you still have momentum:
- Thank-you notes, sent within a few weeks. Short is fine. Funeral thank-you notes has wording.
- Notify the institutions. Banks, pensions, utilities, subscriptions. Who to notify when someone dies is the list.
And leave the memorial page up. It costs nothing to keep, and it's where the family will go on the first birthday, the first Christmas, and the anniversary β which is when it turns out to matter.
Common Questions
How long do I have to plan a funeral? Usually one to two weeks, and there's rarely a legal deadline once the death is certified and the body is in professional care. Faith traditions may require a specific timeframe. Taking an extra few days to get quotes and let family travel is almost always worth it.
How much does a funeral cost? It varies widely by country, region and choices, which is precisely why you should call three providers for itemised quotes rather than accept the first figure. Funeral costs, broken down shows what the line items are.
Do I have to embalm? In the US, the FTC's Funeral Rule states embalming is not generally required by law, and a funeral home may not tell you otherwise or charge for it without permission. It may be requested for a public viewing or for transport. Ask why it's being proposed.
Can I plan a funeral without a funeral director? In many places, yes, though it is a significant amount of paperwork and logistics under time pressure. Most families use a director for transport and paperwork and take back the parts they care about β the service content, the music, the memorial page.
What if the family disagrees about the arrangements? The legal next of kin has the final say. Decide who that is early, let everyone say their piece once, then make the call. A funeral that half the family privately dislikes is much better than one delayed by two weeks of argument.
GetMemorial helps families build beautiful, lasting online memorials in minutes β a permanent home for tributes, photos, and stories. Create an online memorial for them whenever you are ready.
