What to Write in a Memorial: Words When You Don't Know What to Say
You don't need to be a writer. You just need to be honest.
You're sitting in front of a blank screen, trying to write something for someone you've lost. And nothing comes out.
It's not because you don't care. It's because you care so much that no words feel big enough.
If that's where you are right now, this article is for you. I'll share some practical tips, real examples, and simple templates to help you find the right words — even when it feels impossible.
Why It's So Hard
Writing about someone who has died is hard for a few reasons:
- The pressure to "get it right." You want your words to truly capture who they were, and that feels like an enormous task.
- Grief makes thinking difficult. Your brain is foggy. Sentences don't come together the way they normally would.
- You're afraid of leaving something out. How do you summarize an entire person in a few paragraphs?
Here's the thing: you don't have to summarize them. You just have to share one true thing. One memory. One feeling. One moment. That's enough.
What to Include
Start With Who They Were to You
Don't try to write an encyclopedia entry. Write from your perspective.
"My grandmother was the kind of person who made everyone feel like the most important person in the room."
"Dad wasn't a man of many words, but when he spoke, you listened."
"She was my best friend for 30 years. I still reach for my phone to text her."
These personal openings are always more powerful than formal ones.
Share a Specific Memory
General statements like "she was kind" or "he was hardworking" are fine, but they don't paint a picture. A specific memory does.
"Every Sunday morning, Grandpa would be in the kitchen before anyone else, making his famous scrambled eggs. He always made too much, and he always pretended that was an accident."
"Mom had this habit of cutting out newspaper articles she thought you'd find interesting. She'd hand you a folded piece of paper and say, 'I saw this and thought of you.' I still have a stack of them in my drawer."
Tip: If you're stuck, think about your five senses. What did they sound like when they laughed? What did their house smell like? What did they always wear? These details bring a person to life on the page.
Say What They Meant to You
Don't be afraid to be direct.
"He taught me that showing up matters more than being perfect."
"Because of her, I know what unconditional love feels like."
"I am who I am because of him. It's that simple."
Include a Quote or Saying They Loved
Did they have a favorite phrase? Something they always said? Including it adds their own voice to the memorial.
"Grandma always said: 'Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere.'"
"His answer to everything was: 'We'll figure it out.' And somehow, he always did."
Simple Templates to Get You Started
If you're truly stuck, here are some starting points. Fill in the blanks and build from there.
Template 1: The Short Tribute
[Name] was [relationship to you] and one of the [most kind / most generous / funniest] people I've ever known. I'll always remember [specific memory]. They taught me [lesson or value]. I miss them every day, but I carry their [love / wisdom / laughter] with me wherever I go.
Template 2: The Story-Based Tribute
One of my favorite memories of [Name] is [tell the story]. That moment says everything about who they were — [quality]. They had a way of [making people feel / bringing joy / seeing the good in everything]. The world is quieter without them.
Template 3: The Letter Format
Dear [Name],
It's been [time] since you left, and I still [think about you every day / hear your voice in my head / miss your cooking]. I wish I could tell you [something]. I want you to know that [something]. You would be [proud / happy / laughing] to see [something happening now].
I love you. I always will.
What to Write When It's Not Your Family
Sometimes you're asked to write a message for someone else's memorial — a friend's parent, a coworker, a neighbor. That can feel even harder because you don't want to overstep.
Keep it simple and sincere:
"I'm so sorry for your loss. [Name] always made me feel welcome. I'll never forget [specific small moment]. Thinking of your family during this time."
"I didn't know [Name] as long as many of you, but in the time I did, they showed me [kindness / generosity / humor]. They made an impression that will last."
You don't need to write a lot. A few honest sentences mean more than a long, generic message.
Don't Worry About Being Perfect
The most common mistake people make isn't writing the wrong thing — it's writing nothing at all because they're afraid of getting it wrong.
Here's what I want you to know:
- There are no wrong words when they come from the heart.
- Short is fine. Two sentences of truth are better than two paragraphs of clichés.
- You can always add more later. A memorial isn't a one-time thing. You can come back and write more when you're ready.
- Spelling and grammar don't matter. Nobody is grading your tribute. They're reading it through tears.
A Place for Your Words
If you're looking for a place to write and preserve your tribute, GetMemorial gives you a simple, private space to do exactly that. You can write your own tribute, invite family members to add theirs, and keep everything together in one place.
Because the words we write for the people we love are worth keeping.